Feeling shame after having an abortion is normal, in fact.. clinics usually have a hotline you can call anonymously if you are feeling down or not dealing with it very well. For me, i've never been one to reach out to professionals for advice, i've always confided in friends and family. I realise every one has different family dynamics and for some people, going to a professional or speaking with friends if a much safer place. I would like to share with you some of my "coping mechanisms" for banishing the guilt that i experienced after the procedure.
1. Feel it...
Cry, get angry, punch your pillow... let it out. Repressing emotions is never good in any situation. Think of when you shake up a coke bottle and let it sit there for a minute then take the cap off... EXPLOSION. It's the same with our emotions, you can try push something so far into the pit of your stomach but eventually the pressure will be too much and you'll spontaneously combust into a fiery irrational mess... trust me, i have been there, i have been that person and it is not nice, for anyone.
If you are feeling crappy... just sit with it, let it out and take 5 deep breathes. OM
2. Talk about it
Girls, it's the same as feeling it. You have to let it out, talk about how it has made you feel or how you are feeling. All the advice we are ever going to need is within ourselves, sometimes we just need to speak out a loud and the solutions will come. Why do you think it's so easy for people to give advice, but not take it... as the great Alice in Wonderland once said. "I give myself very good advice, but i seldom follow it.
3. WATCH ALICE IN WONDERLAND.
This sounds bonkers and you're probably like what the hell are you on about you crazy bitch, i feel like shit and you want me to watch a fucking kids movie... WELL YES, I DO. Alice in Wonderland has so many hidden messages and lessons it's really made for adults. Do yourself a favour... watch it and be attentive.
4. Have a routine!
Simple... yeah not really. When you are feeling crappy or overcome with emotions, jumping back into your normal routine can be super difficult. Getting out of bed is like mission impossible when all you want to do is sleep and cry all day. Make it a habit to wake up with or just after the sun. Don't look at your phone, make a tea or coffee... sit outside in the sun and breathe. Be present, within your body, your mind and the moment. This was my saving grace. I didn't want to get up and get on with it, so forcing myself to get up each morning before the sun did, so we could greet each other was keeping me sane. We need around 30 to 60 minutes of sunshine each day just to feel ALIVE... so soaking up that morning sun and having every cell in your body open and filled with fresh air is invigorating!
5. Fill your body with love and nutritious food.
Positive affirmations and a healthy diet goes hand in hand.
Think of it this way... positive affirmations is like nutritious food for the mind and visa versa for the bod. A smoothie a day keeps the doctor away. Change it up. Get creative. Make a cute list of positive affirmations and put it in the shower. Why the shower? If you've had a shit day, you will usually let it all out in the shower. You can be as vulnerable as you want to be and you know that your tears are hidden by the water flowing over your face.. unless you're a really ugly crier like i am... then you've got no chance babe. The reassuring feeling of warm water running over your whole body is magic.
6. Forgive yourself honey.
I can not say this enough. It is so important to understand that you are NOT alone. So many women go through this and i was honestly so surprised at how many of my beautiful friends had been through the same thing and i had no idea. Telling yourself that you are not evil for making this decision... okay let me put it this way. If you're flat broke, fall pregnant and know that this baby is going to be born into a world of complete and utter chaos... how is that a good start in life? I know that when i finally am ready to have babies, i will be financially stable, have a place to call home, a loving partner and be in tip top shape mentally and psychically.
7. Love yourself.
Love love love!! If you are loving yourself you will project love back into the world and the people around you. Fill your cup beautiful... And you keep filling that cup of yours until it is over flowing so much that everything you do in life is out of love. LOVE IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND!!!!
8. Stay hydrated.
Our brain is pretty much water, so when we are dehydrated our brain is essentially getting suffocated. Drink at least 2 litres a day and if thats too hard, add some fruit... lime is great in water as it is alkaline so it will balance out any acidity in your hot bod. Yeah girl. You drink that water.
9. Take the time to heal
You've been through a lot. Your sacred space has been through something quite traumatic so it is going to hurt for a while, some more than others... incorporating some yoni yoga into your life will be super beneficial and help speed up the process from the inside out. One hand on your heart, the other cupping your vagina... breathe. Send love to those places and make them speak to each other.
10. Have sex when you are ready, and only when YOU are ready.
I'm lucky to have a beautiful human being of a boyfriend who will never push me into something if I'm not ready. Some aren't so lucky... I understand that having sex is a form of communication so when you're not having sex with your partner it feels weird. Don't push yourself though, try some couples meditation or just lay on top of each other and smooch. Being embraced by your loved one is an instant stress reliever... if you aren't in a relationship find the nearest fluffy animal and never let go... bit creepy but your serotonin levels will go through the roof.