Rape

"Then i woke up with him on top of me, forcing himself in between my legs... but i was too drunk to move.."

Year 8. 

A new school, new friends, new teachers and a new environment. High school was meant to be the most exciting years of my young life, it turned out to be the most horrendous. It started off great, i had some friends from primary school that had moved to the same school and we had a little group forming already and it was only day 1. 

The year started to progress and people started to show their true colours. I was bullied for being "the crazy one"... always laughing a little too loud or making inappropriate jokes, it sucked but i thought it would get better. Our group from primary school had slowly disintegrated into nothing as friends started to find like minded people and new hobbies. I bounced from group to group, always having a few friends here and there but nothing solid to fall back on when i needed.

The bullying got worse, high school girls trying to out cool each other and back stabbing their "best friends" as soon as they left the room. I ended up rebelling and smoking a lot of weed during my younger years of high school... in fact, i barely remember most of year 8-10 because i was so heavily baked. Being a little stoner got me involved with the "rebellious group"... the trouble makers, the ones at the back of the class always yelling at the teacher or making a scene just for a bit of extra attention. What i didn't realise at the time was these people were the ones who were in desperate need of love and compassion. 

One night, we all decided to stay at one of the girls house and sneak out to a party with a bunch of the older boys. They supplied the booze and we partied all night. Drunken 14 year olds in a park at 3am... nothing good was ever going to come of it. The night progressed and we realised that the new guy at school was hanging with the older guys and all of us girls were swooning for his attention. We got on pretty well, he was actually a good laugh and could hold a semi decent conversation about nothing. He offered to party back at his and obviously we all jumped at the idea and started heading there. We were almost to the next main straight where he lived and i'd realised we were quite the way in front of the rest of the group so we hung back and waited for them to catch up. I was smashed and stumbled a little when he caught me... the next thing i know, a glass bottle was thrown at my head and i was semi unconscious underneath a tree.

He picked me up, carried me into the house and placed me in his bed. I must've passed out for a while and only woke again when i felt the warmth of his body next to me. I dozed off to the sound of people chattering outside, still drunk as anything and concussed from the previous incident not really knowing where i was or what was going on. Then I woke up to him on top of me, forcing himself in between my legs... but i was too drunk too move. He slipped off my denim skirt, pulled my undies to the side and tried to stick his half hard dick where it shouldn't have been. I woke in the morning with a sore head and a blank mind.

School the next week was awful. He bragged to everyone that we had sex and he took my virginity... he did, but he didn't have my permission. 

Thinking back to this now, i wish i was more aware of what goes on in society but i had no where to turn and was too ashamed and embarrassed to admit what had actually happened. My first sexual experience was rape. A boy no older than me was capable of doing such a thing and thinking it was OKAY to do so. It saddens me to know that i'm not alone in this situation and this is happening every day in this broken society we are living in. 

To any young girls who have experienced this or know of someone that has, please speak up. Tell a teacher, a counsellor... a parent or a friend. I know it's tough but speaking about these things helps to understand and move on.

It was not your fault. 

Keep loving yourself.